Showing posts from December, 2004

[d/dn]: it's booty time

Once again, Davey Dreamnation has confounded his critics by reaching the Number 1 spot on the lo-fi albums charts . That's right, Davey's sophomore album, Recognition Of Prior Learning has reached #1 for the second time. Davey wishes to thank Stung, Scaramouche and Quito for their efforts and support over the years. Read it and weep, fans.

"On the weed bus - get yer skins together ..."

Last week the Victoria police thought they'd scored the hit of the century: the world's first positive drugged driver. It was a little weird at the time seeing every news outlet parrot the story, which was based on a roadside test that now, oh dear, it seems was completely bodgy . The guy who was "caught" with meth and dope in his system is considering suing the police and I don't blame him. All I'm waiting for now is for someone testing positive to be charged with "possession". What's even more bizarre is that the equipment being used to do these roadside tests was actually trialled at Swinburne University , where I work. Looks like it's back to the drawing board, boffins.

Pirate Patch

so dont ever call me patch or i'll never see my hand again call me uncle touch my patch but old dog bears the replica upon his kennel birds - no! hook-eyed & emerald pirates! don't be squeamish you kids! with a blunderbuss fire away sanguine & intelligent patch will live 2 raid another day! though his beard be smashed - be his brains jellied or cool hanging there upon a lanyard - or whatever they called those props 2 many pirate years ago come salute your patched one! the other sea he sails tonight! he's after great fishfingers & crumbed dessert island shores - fire in the hole! my eyes! ah! harpoons do wedge a tad deeply pierced, my black pirate lenses the mariner's sightlines hacked now covered by a pirate patch

Bondi Booze Ban Upsets Backpackers

How's that title for alliteration. And what a moronic story. The BBC reports "backpackers" are "dejected" by the Bondi council's decision to ban drinking on the beach this Christmas day (a decision made due to the 114 people - some of them drunk - rescued from the surf last Christmas). The story's focus on travellers smacks of a beat-up (an impression given further credence by its mention of the Sunday Telegraph ), and ignores the fact that there are many thousands of people who go to Bondi beach who are not backpackers. This Bondi colonisation thing is just really weird (or is it true? I don't know). In any case, I say the alcohol ban is good. There is a thing called the pub, just across the road, where you can drink beer in a glass. Read the story and see whether you have any sympathy for this pack of "dejected" idiots. Boo hoo.

sprawls of brick & steel

stained mice flash baby teeth incisors warped like barbed wire aerial telemetry's useless yet from the post-intellectual filmscape comes a hint of steel bayed blood & mile after mile of bricks & bayonet works detergent streams canals under streets meet the giant sprawl of the ocean's packets arrive compresed in the anti-light of yesterday evening's tide the mouse has slowly inflated from within a command not so much uttered as enacted down on the corner of sunset & tsunami recently announced redesecrated blown up & blasted from your consciousness may alcohol now become your mortar in the dim sprawls of brick & steel starve of luck and then let loose like cannon-fodder upon the narrow coastal strip river plains ideal conditions for the new urbane contagion "formerly known as ..."

screensaver (brickmaze)

finally the truth courtesy of windows a complimentary maze to hypnotise the frantic vietnamese providing us our lightning speed ADSL connection so as to send all of our banality home via AOL & thus avoiding the queues at the post office we are subsidising you so shut up & look at your screen saver instead o-or hey play patience! fucking boors probably shortchanged the honesty system too & who am I to talk expecting dongs from a dollar for a packet of ciggies looking for some things to do in timeout mags (this is living!) if you get caught in travelling habits it's a drag or else a trap! don't fall into the bamboo stakes boy your daddy didn't draw maps because he was never called up after all you're not really AMERICAN thank fuck condemned to a life of building bridges & casinos it's tough I know so take a load off buddy � don't stare at the brick maze wall today write an email to history & press s

come out fighting

it's an art form staying rich fight the power or just barter cyclo donations here press my trigger shoot me please i need it (& god knows i'm paying) instead of listening bicker amongst yourselves hotel room fights the locals wouldn't care to see (viewing you & me as piggy banks) we're levees against the future's misfortunes shop-width taxes credit cards maxed to a hilt our psycho swords a single word say yes (or no) it doesn't matter now to say you don't want to feel guilty sign here (then leave) oh & stay stupid while you're at it there'll be time to think on a plane trip back home & all your regrets are simply ashes made of fake money (for your funeral) the phoenix is symbolic really if you still don't get it try non- touristique treks instead (in your own country) shaking your fist at the mirror (small man) give up trying to change this world unless you intend to fight for the privile


y2k plus three viet man ill never say it again packets unsprawled divers glide through schools of fish though none touch him its a miracle of chaos & control � neon blades an old lake's hole marginal silent on great heights a pinstripe increases the speed the tourist's unease the matrix unloaded unpacked a dead stop bicycle heartbeat swerves & the miniscule drivers unlicensed a rich mans sons & daughters on joyrides by an hour francophone snarl we crave the roadbikes of ukraine the minsk tron: import asian tigers on the cheap cheap no horns & no tooting near our orphanages mangled bicycles a symbol of all that�s lost beyond dien bien phu y-2-40k per year or forgotten helmets quick fixes workshop decapitation freedom & democracy are only excuses a dream of one day slowing down

speed garage

look back on wires guitars in anger they painted their own ruby jubilee shooting up three chords obliviously jet ski parts animated stripey tees a line a line a line a lines realign calling a verdant copse thalidomide smash hits mixed in boy band salads the sweats the threats the hot jets if musics not the drug then what is speed garage for all youse crashers (invasion of the mindless spam robot junky stubbles the new mind babble)

Slowdive: Shoe-gazers

At last, someone else puts forward the argument that I have been making for years: Slowdive were pretty good . Sounds like this best-of compilation is well worth getting, as it features some of their early 12" single b-sides and so on. My personal favourite is "Avalyn 2" which was the b-side to "Slowdive" (I think) and which was a kind of Cocteau Twins meets MBV dreamscape. Very slow, very dive. This review also claims that one Slowdive album is the equivalent of MBV's Loveless , which could be going a little far. In any case, it confirms for me that early 90s nostalgia is on the rise, and I'm not talking about Brit Pop. Brit Pop can fuck off.

G'day, It's Yer Uncle Davey!

My sister Marnie gave birth to a baby boy this morning! Omygawd!